Walks with my daughter

Hashimoto's has forced me to slow down and observe my life from a different standpoint than I use to before.  When I get sick, I am forced to become acquainted with my bed (I hate the word bedridden).  I don't let most people know that because I despise looks of sorrow or sympathy.  I hold that information to myself.  Recently, I've been having fainting spells.  I remember when they first started happening (another reason why I started to get serious about my health), it was on a Saturday and I had just walked up my stairs to pick out some clothes and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground staring at my husband's feet rushing towards me.  I wasn't scared, but when I looked at my husband's face I became terrified.  I could see fright in his eyes. When I push too hard when I feel ill, I find myself down on the ground, so to prevent that from happening I climb in the bed with my children. I let them watch movies on my laptop (we only have one television in our home by choice), and I am forced to lie there.  I can't play with them.  I am not the same mother I use to be before I got sick and there are times when it makes me very sad.

There is a benefit to having moments of being that ill.  It allows you to appreciate the moments when you are healthy. It allows you to be silly and let shit go.  It allows you to play dress-up instead of obsess over how clean your house is.  It allows you to pretend to be dinosaurs with your children instead of worrying if dinner will be on the table before your imaginary set time.  It allows me to take walks with my daughter.

 
My daughter has had to deal with so much change recently.  She got a new brother, a new school, and has had to learn to adjust to me being different.  She has done quite well, but has become more cautious and less talkative. I have been in her shoes.  I was much older, but it is terrifying to see a parent become so sick that they pass out right in front of you. My husband and I agreed that taking walks with her may allow her to open up and talk about things that bother her.  On those days, he cooks and watches our son while Olivia and I take a walk around the neighborhood.  She comes alive on those walks.  She runs ahead of me and is less cautious.  She tells me all about her day.  I ask her questions about her favorite things and things that make her scared or angry and she opens up.  I can talk to her about certain things that I would never think about with all the hustle and bustle of my house.  Recently, I told her how her father would never let me walk close to the street when we first met and how you can tell if a young man is a gentleman by the way he treats you.  It was very lighthearted, but these are the things I think she will keep with her forever. Good luck to the guy who dates her.

I have Hashimoto's to thank for slowing me down and getting to know my daughter.  I can't wait to start taking walks with my son.  I also can't wait until I get this thing all figured out and I don't have bad days anymore, but for now I'll cherish every good day that I have.